Community Life

There is an endless net of threads throughout the universe...
At every crossing of the threads there is an individual.
And every individual is a crystal bead.
And every crystal bead reflects
Not only the light from every other crystal in the net
But also every other reflection
Throughout the entire universe.
(an adaptation of 'The Net of Jewels,' or 'Indra's Net,' of of the oldest written creations of humanity)

Tupac Shakur once said: I'm a reflection of the community. That is both lovely and disturbing. It is also our challenge, so calls us to understanding.

I am what I am because of who we all are. Ubuntu. South Africa.
"Ubuntu speaks particularly about the fact that you can't exist as a human being in isolation. It speaks about our interconnectedness. You can't be human all by yourself...We think of ourselves far too frequently as just individuals, separated from one another, whereas we are connected and what we do affects the whole world." Desmond Tutu

The dictionary.com definition of 'community' that speaks to my thoughts: a social, religious, occupational, or other group sharing common characteristics or interests and perceived or perceiving itself as distinct in some respect from the larger society within which it exists.

I am a part of several 'communities' - as are most of you. When I am with my community, I bring myself. Who and what I am, at any given moment, includes my strengths, my weaknesses, my experiences, my language, my needs, and my hopes - my reality.

Communities struggle to exist with wholeness and health (shalom). Communities often struggle because members are more concerned about "I" - what "I" bring, what "I" need, what "I" perceive - rather than acknowledging that each "I" in the community brings the same - that each "I" in the community has different items on their list (as well as some similarities), and that each "I" in the community is as important as the other.

So I thought that perhaps I could suggest attributes of healthy community in order to begin to urge us to become better members of communities. My list will, by no means, be complete and it is mostly in the form of questions to self and others. They are a reflection of my own experience. Hence, I begin by admitting that being part of community requires me to be flexible, to be able to change, to be able to listen to others, and to be willing to help to establish and even change perceived priorities.

One of the first things I consider as a community lives together is safety. Is everyone safe - physically, emotionally, spiritually? Who is being destructive through emotional manipulation - and why? Is someone dealing with issues that make them volatile and unsafe? Who is not listening to others, or not caring about the opinions/experiences of others, and ultimately only working against the community's stated purpose? If there are children in the community, they need and deserve 'extra' protection. Do our practices and policies ensure safety for all members?

Another attribute I consider is hospitality. Is my community open enough to welcome new people - and do we indeed welcome new people into full participation - with all of their experiences and ideas? It is said that whenever someone new enters the circle, the circle changes. Or are new people faced with needing to break into cliques? Do we consider all voices in the decision-making process? Do each of us understand that our opinion is welcome, and that the end result may be different than our opinion? Are we willing to be part of a consensus, even if it differs from our own opinion? Or do we engage in win/lose behavior? Do we each trust, support and have concern for others in our community? Am I worthy of being trusted, supported and cared for? Does the community eat together, play together, struggle together, rejoice together, plan together? Friendships within a community are inevitable - but are my 'special' friendships ultimately harmful or strengthening to the group?

Each community has a purpose or objective. Can you state the objectives of your community? If you cannot, are you willing to be part of a group that clarifies those objectives? Does your behavior support the stated objectives?

Am I accountable for my personal behavior within the group? Am I willing to admit that I did something wrong when I do? Am I willing to take ownership for my behavior rather than blaming others? Do I come to my community with a sense of dignity and respect for self and for others? Do I gossip when I feel insecure or don't like someone else's behavior?

I'm going to dwell on gossip here for a moment because it is one of the most destructive behaviors within communities. I have been reminded of the power of gossip this week as I have had three distinct conversations with people who have been hurt by gossip. Again, from dictionary.com: to gossip - to talk idly, especially about the affairs of others... As hurtful as gossip is to the subject of the gossip, it is more a reflection of the person doing the gossiping. Gossip is often borne out of insecurity and jealousy. PLEASE PEOPLE - get over it! Realize that people don't trust you because you gossip. Move on. Be your good self. Let others be who they are. Stop this nonsense. Archbishop Desmond Tutu also said about Ubuntu: "A person with Ubuntu is open and available to others, affirming of others, does not feel threatened that others are able and good, based from a proper self-assurance that comes from knowing that he or she belongs in a greater whole and is diminished when others are humiliated or diminished..."

"How does one keep from 'growing old inside'? Surely only in community. The only way to make friends with time is to stay friends with people... Taking community seriously not only gives us the companionship we need, it also relieves us of the notion that we are indispensable." Robert McAfee Brown

Blessings to you as you return to your communities with new eyes.